Week 7: The bitches bang yer cock

So the last week has been spent (so very, very spent) with Mssrs Jo Pretyman and Kathy Baker, fresh (although that ain't quite the word) from their two weeks cavorting in the islands. Can I get a freakin' HELL YEAH!

Let me start by saying that the people in the 7-11 hate us. Perhaps they're racist (fucking hate-mongering buddhists) but mostly likely it's because we're always drunk when we go in there and when we're in there we're always breathing on them over the counter, going abigbottleofwhiskeyandmarlboroughlights kup koon kaaaaaa, and mostly when we're in there, buying our whiskey and cigarettes it's at a weird time, like every half-hour between 4-11am.

So visitors to the Big Brother Bangkok house this week: Jo, Kathy, Luther and Mel from Sydney, housemate Phillipa, her manfriend Andy, Drs Christie and Harmony, Rogerfromwork and me. (FYI Jon is currently in Sydney. There's a good chance that if you turn down your radio and cup your ear to the window, you'll hear an echoey voice in the distance going, "IT'S DALLUS, MAAAAN!!" That's him.)

Jo & Kathy got here Thursday night so we baptised them by submersion (I'm Seventh-Day Adventist, remember) in the holy water of kamikazes at Penny Black, leaving shortly after the snorting of the spring roll incident. Friday night we crawled out to the night markets but everyone was semi-comatose from alcohol and nicotine poisoning so we went home and drank more. Oh, I also forgot to say: Kathy mangled her ankle on Thursday night getting out of a cab, so she was kind of in intense pain and walking really slowly everywhere.

Saturday night we went to Bed Supper Club, which is all hip and white and airplane-themed with expensive food and confronting dance performances between courses (conclusion: a Thai man doing splits in white bike pants makes beef cuts on one's plate slightly less appetising). After that the place turned into a discoteque with tech-house where there were equal parts cool people (us) and lame farangs with too-high pants and self-conscious dance moves. Jo was really funny (see: skunk, drunk as a) and when the place shut we went home and drank more while Jo ate a hotdog.

Sunday night Christie and Harmony were in tha hizzouse for one night only, so we went to State Tower - the 64th floor place where you go to be amazed at Bangkok. Unfortunately half the girls were wearing flip-flops (thongs, goddammit, thongs) and the sluts on the door wouldn't let us see the view. So we went home and drank.

Monday night was State Tower night attempt two. The doctors had flown to Delhi to continue their quest to make us feel guilty by living meaningful lives, and it was just Jo, Kathy and me. I was like the third wheel, though, as it was Jo & Kathy's engagement party and they were understandably all lovey-dovey, but we had a good pinot grigio (nothin' like a good pinot) and when we got to Q Bar later they gave me a few sympathy pashes so I wouldn't feel left out. Then there was a thai girl trying to get all up in our grills with the girl kissing thing and we humoured her for a while but then got paranoid about mouth diseases, so we ditched her out at the cab.

I'm not sure if that was yesterday or the day before, but anyway, the bitches missed their flight this morning so they leave tomorrow and I get one more chance to bask in their joyously inebriated, crazed, crazy, intoxicating faux-lesbionic vibe before they head back to Sydney. It will be a sad day indeed, and not just because I have alcohol-related depression.


what I can actually remember:

- kathy tearing a hole in my hand towel because she was so stoked with her sewing kit and NIDA fucking course that she wanted something to sew (it's still got the hole in it, bitch!)
- kathy & roger's raw egg eating competition
- Christie, Harmony, Kathy & Jo doing show-and-tell on the balcony with their thousands of thai market purchases
- the engagement on state tower
- the girls dancing semi nude to lionel richie on the balcony
- the ham-eating/throwing thing
- Jo falling into the boat at Bed Bar (don't tell me you know the owner)
- Jean-Paul
- ridgy didge!
- the taxi dude taking a piss mid-cab ride
- diet pill mania and the skeletwin challenge

xx