cat more popular than me

What you see here is my stupid-ass cat on the front page of myspace. 'How?', you ask. How, indeed. I like to blame Roger. That's actually just a blanket statement, but I thought it was as good a place to start as any, plus I can twist shit around to make it applicable anyway (see how I do this later). I can also blame Nina, even though she’s in London. And I can blame the - at last count - 55,775 people who clicked on the link to the video of my cat attacking plastic bags and chasing a sock.

Y'see Nina and I, we trade cat stories. We titter over the Bengal breed like two women possessed (assuming said possession pertains mostly to growing old alone with only a knee-deep menagerie of cats as company). A while back I made a little video on the ninj jumping around and I sent it to her. She liked it. She asked for another one. This is where Roger comes in.

I'm hanging around at work waiting ZAEONS of years for him to finish something so after doing as much work as mentally possible (wink) I cut together another ninja vid. I 'borrow' some of the Bang Gang Cum & Sweat podcast – probably illegally – and upload the result to his myspace page and abraca-fucking-dabra the next day the ninj has had more hits than I've had… hot teas. People are commenting and emo kids are messaging him and other dogs and cats and even rats are asking to add him as a friend. Hyay-zoos, it’s a crazy, crazy time we live in.

What really comes to the fore, however, is how awash with trolls the intarwebs are (prepositions at the end of sentences starting to hurt…argh). I know puberty's hard, but Jesus on a jetski, at least these whippersnappers have the net to hide behind. When I was adolescing we just had to insult complete strangers the old-fashioned way - by public slander, written insults on toilet walls or complete ostracisation from the social circle. Anyway, the 400 or whatever comments divide into three distinct groups:

1) "AWWWWWW he's sooooo cute, I <3 kitties!!"
2) "GAY!" and;
3) "Get a life."

‘Gay’ is so blah it doesn’t even blip on my radar, but ‘Get a life?’ Ahem. Seventeen-year-old virgins typing from their mum's basement telling me to get a life? Why, because they wasted 55 seconds of precious masturbatory time watching my cat chase a sock (which is, btw, their only prospective sexual partner for the forseeable future)? Oh, the ironing.

Anyway. That's ninj's 15 minutes of dubious fame, bottom line being that he amassed more friends in 24 hours than I’ve managed to in months – and I’m real!*

Other exciting things that have happened of late: Roget SHAVED OFF HIS BEARD!!!!! A bad-haircut-related incident, this was front page news a week ago, but some stubble has grown back now, so I’ve stopped making a big deal out of it. Oh no, I didn’t take it well at all, so let’s gloss over it and move right along to…

A quick round-up of events:

- the mustang got driven through a flash flood and now has a flooded engine (or a blown gasket or sand in its vagina or something) and a puncture in the back tyre.
- Australia’s crushing football defeat has resulted in the loss of several brazillion braincells via consolatory inebriants and late nights. So, so many late nights.
- we booked some talent to star in some of our Dallus vids and two turned out to be ladyboys. Something we only realised after all the Thai nationals in the office told us. No matter what you think, you just. Can’t. Tell.
- I went for a casting for Ponds China. Me? As a skin module for Ponds CHINA? Unless they’ve started a product line involving Spakfilla and someone else’s face I do not expect a callback.
- Dom came to BKK and visited me for four whole hours. I took him to buy his 100 or so valiums then he had to go [sad face]
- Aarron, JT and Ben Morris arrived. We watched some football but then they went off to Koh Pangnagnangn (sp? Anyone? Bueller?) but they’ll be back for more frivolity next week.

And so will I. Happy new financial year. I’ll be celebrating by staying in and filming [Mrs Slocombe voice] mah pussy slide aall over mah floor. Actually, I’ll be burning the candle, but you knew that already (hear that, you 17 year-old virgins! Candle burning! Premature death through heart disease and liver damage!! HAH!!)

* 99 per cent, anyway.

bx



((Forgot to ask wonderboy – what did you think of Poseidon?))