deadline came & went

Not that anyone knows what I'm doing over here anyway, but FYI we've been busy beavers bustin our junk trying to get Dallus up and online by yesterday and guess what didn't happen... We've been working so hard, worked our little fingers to bloody stumps, but we're not there yet. It's been eight long months of Shakespearean drama gestating this thing and still it would not diiiiieeeeee. DIIIEEEEEEEE!! DIIIIEEEEE!!

As Andromeda is visible to the naked eye, so, too, is the end of phase one. Don't misunderstand me - I love Dallus, I think it'll be the duck's crotch but I'm at the stage - as we all are - where I need to fuck it off for a week or two. To misuse a popular Air Supply analogy, it's time I pulled this ship into the shore and threw away the oars. Threw them away into a wood chipper.

There's not really any other news. The cat is still insane. He's yet pre-ballectomy, so expect things to calm down when his nuts are in a jar - sometime over the next fortnight. He could not be any more hyper right now if he was made entirely of Mexican jumping beans. And Mexican attacking-your-face-while-you-sleep-then-running-away beans. There were times - like at 4am this morning - when I considered doing the unballing myself in the kitchen with the bread knife, just to drive the point home, but that would only bring on The Howling.

The Howling occurs when any of the following happens: plastic tie toy not immediately visible; hungry; no one throwing plastic tie toy; not allowed in fridge; someone in shower; everyone sleeping; plastic tie toy under the cupboard; important part of movie happening; can't fit head through the crack in the couch; no one paying attention to howling etc etc. So I don't need to add another reason to the list.

Approaching time off (from Aug 11th, thank you sweet jesus), and beginning to think about where to go. Favouring chi chi hideaway at Hua Hin for sun and se... cough swimming or a trip to Tokyo. I have to do a visa run by the end of the month anyway, and don't feel like another death trip to Cambodia, so I dunno. What do you think? Hong Kong? Bali? Beuller? I gotta get outta this place.

Another exciting plot twist to my life, if the dizzying maelstrom of craziness doesn't overcome you - my new camera shat itself and died. Took it back to the appropriately disinterested sales woman, who, after a series of complex tests (putting a new battery in it, turning it on and off, looking at it up close then from far away) agreed that it was broken. She wrapped it up and told me it would be 'back' in four weeks' time. At which point I launched myself over the counter, grabbed her by the collar, brought her face right up to mine and said through gritted Clint Eastwood teeth, "Actually you'll replace the cunting camera right now AND give me a hundred thousand baht voucher for the electronics department or the last thing that goes through your mind will be my fist of fury". She emitted a feeble, "certainly, miss", I threw her back into the glass display cabinet behind her, smashing it, and she went to fulfill my demands. Sounds incredible, I know, but it's true.

Soooo everyone's in Europe now. Jo and Sarah came and went like sweet, sweet summer dreams. As far as I know, during my last week of work before vacation everyone will be in Ibiza but I'm not bitter one bit, nope, not me. I'm glad they're all enjoying theyselves even though I'm not there, I'm sure they're thinking of me as they hedonise around their private villa and gurn rampantly to twelve-hour sets by Danny Tenaglia. As I will be totally missing their asses when I'm getting my daily herbal massage and receiving my bottles of champagne hand-delivered by my private butler at Hua Hin and sucking back Sex On The Beaches while perpertrating the illest tan in Thailand.

Anyway, Dallus calls. Gotta go.

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